77,777 @ 7

this was one seriously messed up day:

i have a raging sinus infection, fever and all, so i had a hard time waking up this morning since i took some NyQuil last night.  i've felt foggy and completely removed from reality all day.

barely leaving my apartment to make it to work on time, i got in my car to find that it would not start.  i had to call my supervisor, and she came to pick me up.  luckily, i live only a few minutes away from the office.

an hour or so after arriving to work, i found that there was a small but visible hole in the front of my sweater.  i was extremely conscious of it all day.

later, i tripped over myself and, trying to catch my fall with my desk, my hand slipped and i ended up scraping my elbow on the desk's edge.  it hurt.  it bled.  i was beyond embarrassed (even though no one saw what happened).

they were serving ice cream to employees at work this afternoon in honor of our company being voted one of the best places to work in Birmingham.  i had some, and then my heart started to race.  i felt very dizzy.  i spent the last 2 1/2 hours of work feeling like i might pass out.

Pam, my coworker, drove me home after work.  then, going on the hunch that my car battery had died, Heath (my friend and neighbor), struggled to find and then remove the battery.  we drove to the nearest auto parts store and bought a new one ($92 - ouch!).  on the way there, i was trying to let the window down, but ended up accidentally opening the car door while we were moving.  i could have fallen out!  but i guess things could have been worse.

driving back to put the new battery in, i saw two blind men walking down the street.  one was leading the other.  i pointed in disbelief.  then realizing that it is rude to point at people, i felt bad.  but then i instantly realized that they can't even see me pointing at them!  it was truly "the blind leading the blind."  we had a good chuckle.

Heath stepped in dog shit when walking from his car to mine with the new battery.  i had noticed and mentioned the dog shit before we drove to the auto parts store because i almost stepped in it myself. 

new battery installed, i headed to the grocery store.  i was talking to my youngest brother on my cell phone when i noticed a giant grasshopper on my windshield.  i felt that the force of the wind at 35mph must be horrible for him!  so i pulled over, picked him up with a leaf, and left him in the grass on the side of the road.  i like to think he was grateful.  i hope he is okay.

when i finally arrived back home after shopping, i just happened to notice that my car had reached exactly 77,777 miles on the odometer.  and it happened to be exactly 7pm.  the perfect weird ending to a perfectly weird day.

is this week over yet?

sad eyes

i decided to buy a bottle of wine today.  the cashier, a Mexican woman with an obvious accent, asked me if i had weekend plans.  "no, not really," i said.  she explained that she was not allowed to have friends, much less dinner parties or anything of the like.  she said her husband was extremely jealous.  "are you married?" she asked.  i said that i was not, and she nodded, saying that she envied my freedom.  

finally, my transaction was complete, and i signed the receipt.  even though i had been listening to her the whole time, i finally looked her in the eyes, and she looked into mine.  it was a little uncomfortable for me.  her eyes were so sad, and i don't mean that they were sad at that moment.  there was a depression deeply ingrained in her eyes.  

later, i wondered what she saw in my eyes.  and i wanted to be her friend.  and i think i was for the minute that i was in her line.  at least, i hope so.

forgive me

occasionally, once in a blue moon, there's a day that gets away from me; when i sit alone that night (or the next day, even) and wonder: "what the hell happened?"

i had one of those days today.  

no matter how hard i try, i can't really make sense of it.

circumstances were not normal.  things were out of the ordinary.   

there were too many computers and people and cats involved.  

i acted unlike myself and disappointed people.

it just seems like a bad dream.  however, unfortunately, it wasn't.

new project

my sweetheart and i have started a blog together:

Love In Prague

i hope we will actually post on it, because i'd love to see how it will progress.

i'd like it to document our relationship:  our lives lived with distance between us, our efforts to be together, and then finally our life together in Prague.

we both hope it will work, but there are obstacles.  who knows what will really happen? 

over the crunch

no matter how many classes i am taking, the last week before the end of a semester is always hectic for me.  and it never fails that external stress factors always crop up during this exact time--just to make things interesting.

i took two final exams today:  one online from home (E-commerce) and one on campus from 8 to 10 p.m (Managerial Accounting).

now it's over!

i'm mentally wiped out.  but i'm in a celebratory mood right now, even though not much seems to be going my way this week, and i have no one here to share in the happiness and relief of yet another semester (one of the last!) finished and done with.

i guess i'll knit some, listen to my iTunes, and maybe make some butterscotch flavored Jello instant pudding (oh, the childhood memories!).  i sound like an old lady-- is 32 really that old?

frustrated?

can you feel frustration coursing through your body?  do you feel painfully tense but can't seem to find a way to relax?

here's what i suggest:

next time you get in your car, wait until no one is around, take a very deep breath, and scream as loud as you can.  scream until your throat burns and you have no more air in your lungs.  scream until your eyes cry involuntary tears.

it works for me.  every time.

i'm excited...

and i hope i'll never calm down.

all of my hopes and dreams are right in front of me.  only one last goal to accomplish, and then there's nothing standing in my way.

it's real.  it's scary.  it's NOT impossible.

it's well worth the risk.

my life will change forever.  actually, it already has.

i can't wait to see what happens next.

mapping the future

obviously, i have not posted here in ages.  but i know at least one person is reading.

the start of 2008 will quite possibly go down in my life story as the worst in history.  

i was let down, lost, alone, disenchanted, anxious [insert more adjectives of the like here].  but i have seen it all through to the other side.  and the best part is that just when i've found myself, some one else has found me, too.  now the possibilities for my future seem even brighter than i have ever imagined.  and with the help of someone that i love, i have begun to draw a map of my future, which will lead to the realization of my dreams.

the start of 2009 will quite possibly go down in my life story as the best in history.

je suis vivant

a lot has changed in the last few months- main thing being that i have separated from Harry. after 5yrs of living in Tennessee, i have moved back to my hometown of Birmingham, Alabama.

a friend of mine recently started his first blog. take a gander at the inner critic.
this may inspire me to resurrect this blog.
hmm, we'll see...

il est mort

i think this blog may have run its course.
www.myspace.com/honeypower76

officially

i have quit my job and registered for college.

apologies

there is a lot going on and Christmas really snuck up on me this year.
we have no tree this year and no Christmastime decorations around the house.
i just logged in to amazon.com and purchased every gift that i need for this year. thank goodness for 2-day shipping.
anyway, that is how far behind i am on everything.
so, not only am i not sending out my usual handmade Christmas cards this year, but i'm not sending any cards out. period.
here is a polaroid of our Christmas tree from last year or the year before or something...
merry Christmas, everyone!

ég get ekki sofið

i cannot sleep.

home

still recovering from the pain of shingles. seem to be getting better these last couple of days- slowly but surely getting better.
the trip to chicago this past weekend was much fun, as well as a huge success for Harry.
i've wanted to move to chicago for years. every time i visit, the urge to abandon returning home is stronger.
i long for life in the city again.
more words, as well as some photos, to come in the next few days...

shingles

i have shingles.
apparently it is from stress.
and a weak immune system.
it is pretty painful.
enough said.

valentine

sigur ros
14 february 2006
ryman auditorium nashville
photo: b palmer may 2001
sigur ros. dreamy.
even tho this picture was taken in the middle of the day, it looks like a still from a dream that took place on the moon or something. i know it is grainy (taken with a very old manual pentax film camera) and it is dark, but i have never tried to manipulate this photo in any way. when i saw it for the first time, it evoked a certain feeling in me, so i have never wanted to change it. it was a happy accident and lovely just the way it is.

have a happy holiday

dear chicago,

i've missed you so.
see you in two weeks.
can't wait...
love,
b.

photo: cou september 2005

i am a purple robot

if you didn't already know, i work at a bank.
today one of my customers came in, but something was odd about her entrance...
usually this customer will wait for me to finish whatever i may be doing so that i can help her. she likes to do business with the same person every time she visits. when i first started working at this bank she didn't want me to help her, but seeing as how there was no other choice (her usual banker had quit), she finally gave me a chance. ever since, i am the only person that she will see when she comes in.
until today.
i am unsure about the particular life circumstances of this customer. when i began my employment there, i had been warned that she was paranoid. i was told that she likes things done in a specific way- she doesn't like you to speak too loudly for fear of someone overhearing, she likes her money in certain denominations, etc. i was told not to answer the phone while assisting her because she would claim that her account information was being given, in secret code, to someone on the other end of the line.
when she came in today, she would not even look me in the eye. she asked my coworker to come over and help her. i asked if i could assist her, and she responded that she "does not deal with people wearing purple." i then realized that i was wearing a lavender sweater. she continued by stating that "purple indicates robots" and that "now they are making the purple robots."
i didn't know how to react. i had learned how to deal with her paranoia, but this was on another level entirely.
i apologized for wearing something purple and assured her that i was not a robot. however, she was not convinced that i was telling the truth.
this incident has made me feel strange all day...
especially since i noticed that she was wearing bright purple sweatpants as she left the building.

untitled

last saturday night we went to the SNAP (Society of Nashville's Artistic Photographers) Pushpin Show at Plowhaus. i was impressed with the work that i saw exhibited and wished i had been a part of it.
i'm thinking about displaying one of my photos in the upcoming Untitled Artist Group show. could be a good start to getting off my arse and taking photos again. i'd really like to get some of my stuff out there to get some feedback and hopefully get a little more inspiration to motivate me.
i have no idea which photo to choose.
here's the poster for the SNAP Pushpin show:


poster for SNAP Pushpin

hercules 1969

good day in nashville today. stopped to buy some lovely pumkins to carve on the way to lunch, then headed home.
C got a new bike, which is his baby. this bike is too good to stay in the garage with the others. it is parked in our living room. my bike is a crappy one with a terribly uncomfortable seat and brakes that don't work properly, but oh well.
so we went for a bike ride at sunset tonight. nice cool, crisp air with a beautiful moon out. it was so much fun.


photo: b palmer october 2005

photo: b palmer october 2005

photo: b palmer october 2005

photo: b palmer october 2005

photo: b palmer october 2005

comfort zone

C's "One Wall One Artist" show at Plowhaus ended last weekend. we brought home the things that he had shown there, some of which are original paintings with special frames that are not for sale. those originals are usually around the house for our constant viewing pleasure. it's so nice to have art in the house again. with several "Harry" shows going at once, it was all being displayed elsewhere and the house seemed so empty.


photo: b palmer october 2005

photo: b palmer october 2005

photo: b palmer october 2005

Thor

photo: b palmer october 2005

this spider has made himself at home right next to our backdoor! he is huge and moves really fast. sometimes i forget that he is there and it freaks me out when i suddenly remember. he seems ok, mostly just hanging out curled up into a ball next to the door frame. however, i wonder what kind of spider this is and if he is poisonous. we've named him Thor.

columbus day

it's been a busy week and weekend.
my coworker's grandfather died and i visited her at the wake on friday night after work. i was unprepared, as it was open casket and i have never in my life seen a deceased person. it was a new and strange experience for me. he looked like he could open his eyes at any moment, which was a little disturbing. somehow i managed to pull it together and stand next to him with her for many minutes, but after i left i realized that it really did affect me. i didn't know her grandfather, so i can only imagine what it would be like to see someone i knew after they passed. i'm not sure that i could handle that.
this morning C and i took our cats to the vet. once we captured her and forced her into her pet taxi, poor hilary cried like she was dying of some seriously painful wound. then leo, who is usually extremely laid back, chimed in (i think only because he was worried about her). they were in separate pet taxis, facing eachother in the back seat during the drive, howling the whole way. once we arrived and were called back to the room, we literally had to turn hilary's taxi upside down and dump her out. she was so nervous that she was shaking and had her mouth wide open, gasping for breath. after a while they both calmed down a bit and had their check-ups and shots, but once we were back in the car the crying started again. luckily we only have to go thru this once a year. it's so stressful for everyone involved.
banks are closed today for the holiday, so i'm off work. C and i are going to nashville to see Thumbsucker. i think it is going to be a really good movie- even if keanu reeves is in it.
while we are in the area, we'll be stopping by the Belcourt Theatre to swap some of C's paintings with different ones. apparently he has sold more art than any other artist who has shown at Belcourt, so they have extended his show twice, making it a 3 month run! not only has it been profitable for the theatre and artist, but C has gotten some major exposure since so many people pass thru the theatre doors. his "One Wall- One Artist" show at Plowhaus gallery, in which his big masterpiece was exhibited, just ended. that show was very successful as well. this wednesday the davidson county edition of the Tennesseean newspaper will include an article about him!
the weather has been just perfect. gray skies, crisp cool air. fall is my favorite time of year.


photo: b palmer october 2005

the big masterpiece

photo: cou october 2005

this was on display for the "One Wall- One Artist" show at Plowhaus, but since that show has ended, it is now in our livingroom above the fireplace.

l'amour stories

deerhoof is at the end in nashville tomorrow night- tues 9/20.
we are looking forward to it!

labor day weekend: chicago

C and i went to chicago for labor day weekend. a seriously good time was had.
he bought me this great camera in wicker park- a lomo supersampler as3.0. it has no viewfinder, which was tricky. here are the pics that i took with my new toy...


photo: b palmer september 2005

photo: b palmer september 2005

photo: b palmer september 2005

photo: b palmer september 2005

photo: b palmer september 2005

photo: b palmer september 2005

striking

photo: cou december 2004

i haven't been sleeping well lately, so, hoping to get a good night's sleep, i went to bed early last night. i fell fast asleep and slept deeply.
i had a strange dream: i was in a beautiful city. it seems that i was somewhere european, as i was seeing very old and very modern styles of architecture side by side in the way that i have only seen there. everything was so vivid and colorful.
i was walking the streets without any particular destination in mind, and i was waiting for someone who was looking for me to finally find me.
flowers grew in pretty rows next to the concrete sidewalks and climbed the buildings on vines that stretched to the very tops of them. i was picking them, knowing that it was something that i shouldn't do. i was happy.
suddenly, the sky was dark with ineluctable clouds. before i could seek shelter, i was struck by lightning several times. these were not huge, threatening bolts of lightning, but rather beautiful ribbons of light that swirled about like the ribbons that gymnasts twirl in floor routines. they followed me horizontally as i ran in slow motion. when they finally caught up with me, they only slightly shocked me. though there was this strange underlying fear, it was more like a game. i was laughing, even.
the flowers that i had picked fell from the hand in which i was tightly holding them. a strong gust of wind scattered them away from me, and i was trying very hard to gather them again. no luck. just as i would get close to them, another gust of wind would push them just out of reach again. this upset me because they were flowers unlike any i had ever seen, and i really wanted to keep them.
the person who was supposed to find me never appeared.
i woke expecting to find that i had slept soundly thru the night. in actuality, i had only slept for a little over an hour or so.

little terror on teller row

work today was very interesting.
this morning i was working on one of my month end reports when, out of the corner of my eye, i noticed something odd on the floor nearby. i didn't think anything of it, until the small dark lump very quickly moved- straight toward me.
normally i am a very calm person, but since what exactly this thing was didn't immediately register, and because it was so quickly coming straight for my feet, i screamed a little. okay, maybe i screamed a bit more than a little. luckily, there were no customers in the building at the time. still, i was extremely embarrassed.
this mouse continued to terrorize us throughout the entire day, making it difficult to concentrate or move about freely. he scurried by at the most inopportune times and successfully avoided all attemps by the male personnel to capture him.
knowing that surely the little rodent was more terrified of us than we were of him, i still imagine that he was having a grand ole time making us tiptoe around and keeping us seated in our stools with our feet raised all day.
i wonder if he will visit us again tomorrow.

a good thing...

extra special congrats to C on getting his art into the Belcourt Theatre!
it's august 6 i think, and i'm not sure how long it will be displayed.
if you are in nashville get your ass over there and buy something (or atleast say you love it).
check out his stuff at Art By Harry.

observing

today after work i went to kroger to pick up a few items.
i parked, and feeling a bit tired, i didn't immediately get out of the car. i sat there for just a few moments and observed people.
i saw a man park opposite me in a handicapped space, reach into his glovebox to get the placard to put in the windshield, and get out of his car practically skipping into the grocery store- he was in quite an unhandicapped hurry.
then two cars nearly collided, the one at fault making the most noise/gesture about it while the other just shook her head and waved him on.
there was a young guy who walked out with some flowers, paying more attention to getting the pricetag off the cellophane wrapping than to where he was walking and tripping over the curb.
it kind of made me wonder if people are watching me like that when i'm not looking. if they are, what is their first impression? what kind of life story do they attach to my image?
one thing that i noticed is that no one looked happy, not even the guy with the flowers.

things are kindof upside down in my life right now. so many things to sort out with myself and i have become a master at avoiding it all. many decisions to be made and i don't know what to do. so scared of making another mistake because i have already made so many. and i just want to be happy.

guffaw

i had a good laugh over THIS.
it almost made me forget how bad things have been lately.
almost.

"wide eyed and open mouthed...

you look a little lost and found."

this week has been absolute shit!
however, a couple of good things have happened, such as:
- my brother is alive, but he needs to drive quite a bit safer from now on. he's extremely lucky.
- discovered a song [thanks to C] by clor called 'love and pain'. i love it!!! watch the video here! it's so refreshing to know that there are people in the world who dance around like i do (only when i am home alone, ofcourse).
- i'm going to chicago in september. one of my favorite cities and i can't wait to get the fuck out of town! literally counting down the days.
- i'm knitting finally. hideous handmade gifts for everyone! yay!

postcards are coming along, but please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery.
new additions to my links at right.

offre spéciale (don't be shy)

you all know that i make postcards- and if you didn't know, there are some examples here and here and here.
i have been thinking for a while that i should offer to send the people who read/stop by my blog a postcard. so if you want one, email me an address to send it to. i promise i won't try to find you and stalk you (much).
i only ask these things: that you not expect to receive your postcard in a timely fashion (remember, i am a procrastinator), that you not expect what i send to be a perfect work of art, and that you not file it in the trash.
requests to: honeypower76@gmail.com

zac the fish

photo: b palmer may 2005

when i go home to birmingham to visit my family i always sleep in my old room, which is now sortof an office/storage room. i don't know how i ever slept on that uncomfortable bed, but that is another story.
on the nightstand is a medium sized fishtank. in it resides a goldfish called zac- named after my youngest brother. you can't really tell from my crappy photos, but he is rather large (tho he started out as a tiny little fishy) and with age has lost all of his shiny goldness. albino.
i originally thought he was 10 years old, but when i questioned my dad about his age i found that i was wrong. believe it or not, this fish is 13 years old! he's missing an eye (see photo below) and swims in some crazy patterns, but he's hanging in there.
when i go to bed in my old room, i turn off all the lights and leave the fishtank light on. he stares at me incessantly with his one eye and if i put my finger against the glass he will swim over and kiss my finger. one night i was lying down watching him when i noticed that he was opening his mouth wide- over and over- like he was gulping for air or something. while doing this he was looking right at me and it sort of freaked me out. it appeared to me as if he was saying "help" with each gulp. i thought he might be ready to croak. but then he stopped and everything seemed fine.
strangely, whenever my mom comes in the room to feed him, he swims behind the filter and gets stuck between it and the glass of the tank. she has a straw nearby to nudge him out. weird that he only does that when she comes in.
damn, that was a really boring story. but, there you go.

photo: b palmer may 2005

this and that

someone at this website, which is apparently "operated and maintained by News 2" has added me to their blogroll. how in the world did this happen? and why? hmmm....

i haven't blogged in quite a while. i mean really blogged- not this crap that i've been putting up lately. right now things are a bit crazy and jumbled, i've got a lot that needs sorting out and some big life-changing decisions have to be made. in all the confusion i seem to have lost the ability to articulate my thoughts well. this has been going on for a while now and i know my blog has suffered for it, but hopefully it will pass.
i'm also gonna try to get some new photos up. i haven't touched my camera in weeks, and there is no excuse for that.

changing the subject: last night i got into bed, put my earphones in, and turned my iPod on to shuffle the songs. strangely, every song that played was in accordance with the mood i was in. thinking about it, it was so much in accordance that it almost seems too strange.

in other news: this blog is a smart, witty read, indeed (and i'm not just saying that because he posted compliments earlier). i wouldn't mind seeing what he could do with a camera- as long as he stays away from scrotums and the like. check it out.